Day 17 – Look ’em in the eye – Date 5.1.2025

So this situation happened 5 days ago when I was in Burgos.  Recall the cathedral I visited with all the chapels.  Upon leaving the place there was a young woman outside the exit door asking for money.  Some might call her a beggar or a panhandler but I don’t like any of those labels.  She is a person.  And likely not much different than I.  I don’t know her circumstances and you could assume she is going to use the money for drugs but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she is hungry.  Do you ever give money to people like this?  If you don’t, maybe ask yourself why you don’t.  Whenever I see them, I think of words Jesus said about doing for the least of His brothers.  I do give money and it’s usually just a few dollars.  I did the same for this woman.  During my walk the next day I was reviewing a prayer practice where I examine my life in the last 24 hours and asking where I might have fallen short.  When you spend most of your day walking solo, there isn’t a lot to examine.  My thoughts went to the gal at the exit door of the cathedral.  I heard in my head that I need to look the person in the eye when I give a donation.  Acknowledge their presence.  Let them know that I see them.  I found this interesting and believe it is God talking to me because I never had that thought before.  It was a new thought and I don’t believe it came from my brain.  I didn’t realize that I wasn’t looking her in the eye.  I asked myself why am I not looking at her eyes.  My next thought was fear.  Fear that if I looked at her eyes, I would feel something more.  Maybe something I don’t want to feel.  Fear I might feel more compassion than I am wanting to feel.  Fear I could easily become her.  How would I handle that?  Could I even handle that?  Maybe its fear that if I feel too much, then I might be compelled to do more, give more.  

All these thoughts are opening up more questions than I can answer.  It is typical of me to think deeply and broadly and I don’t think that is what I’m supposed to do.  I think what I am supposed to do is real small.  It’s just to take the next little step.  The next time I give a donation, I will attempt to look the person in the eyes.  I will acknowledge them as a person.  I don’t know how I will feel.  And then I just need to take the next step with whatever that is.  It is similar to walking the Camino.  488 miles across 35 days begins with one step and then another.  The Camino is not asking me to complete the trek all at once.  Just take the next step.  How often do I live my life this way?  Rarely would be my answer.  This is focusing only on the present but I spend much of my thinking in the past or worrying about the future.  Thinking about a past I cannot change or focusing on items that might never happen.  Man is this Camino thing this profound?  Look where dropping a few coins took me.