March 10, 2026 – The virtual of anger
What is anger? I believe we all know what it feels like but I think anger often gets a bad rap. Do you ever feel/think/believe that anger is wrong? That we shouldn’t express it. Does society tell us this? Are we afraid to express our anger because the intensity of it scares us?
Anger – A strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong, wrath, ire
I’m angry about a specific situation that occurred a long time ago. I didn’t realize that past situation is what is fueling my current anger. I thought I was angry about something that was happening now. If you had asked me in the moment what is fueling my feelings, I would’ve said frustrations about incompetitence. I am in a place of care that is top notch at what they do yet I was feeling they were falling short. It’s taken a bit of time but I now realize what really is going on with me. I am hurt. So deeply hurt about a grave injustice. The vulnerable were severly mistreated. I can easily tap into the anger whenever I recall this situation but I am so much wiser now than I was even just a few weeks ago. I’ve moved from my anger to experiencing the pain and hurt that is under the anger. I am so deeply betrayed by people I thought I knew. People I trusted. My core has been shattered. And I am blaming myself for what happened. That it is somehow my fault. I think I turned it inward and blame myself because I only have control over myself. We all only have control over ourselves. In some way, that is my attempt at trying to gain control over a situation that I did not have control over.
Anger is a protective feeling. It usually is fueled by another feeling that is vulnerable. . . . a hurt, an insecurity, etc. Feeling hurt scares us even more than our anger. It’s a core feeling; one that is so close to our center that it has the power to shake our foundation. Might we tople over if we allow ourselves to feel that core feeling? If so, THAT is powerful. And soul crushing if others know of our vulnerability and use it to hurt us. We protect that core by layering it with something that appears strong. . . anger. Anger pushes people away. Anger protects us.
I believe feelings are not right or wrong. They just are. We can cause personal harm when we think what we are feeling is wrong and we berate ourselves for having the feeling. The healthy thing to do is to acknowledge the feeling, determine what is causing it and then dealing with that. Typically seeing the cause is enlightening. This is the virtue of anger. It is protective and allows us time to experience the vulnerable feelings underneath if we take the time to figure it out.
Are you angry about something? Do you know what underlying feeling the anger is protecting? You will do right by yourself to figure it out.
