Day 9 – Final burden
So my burden is represented by the cracked heart with the tears. The pool at the bottom means the tears have flowed for awhile. This burden has to be with being a mom. Every mom wants their children to succeed. For their children to not have any wounds and if there are any, a mother’s hug and kind words can diminish them. Well I struggle with some of the wounds of my children. I won’t go into details except to say that at times I feel I have failed my children. That in the moment I wasn’t a good enough mother. With either not seeing a wound or inflicting a wound with my impatience or unkind word, I’ve added to their pain. That is never the intention of any mother and it speaks to the humanness of us all. I love my children with all my heart but I know sometimes, in the moment I may have failed. No one is perfect and there are always opportunities to say the kind word, to give the hug that was needed earlier. I have done these all along the way. I don’t think it is ever possible for a child to know how much a parent loves them. Maybe when they become a parent themselves.
I have 3 amazing children. Each one is unique and they are all very resilient. I know I did something right by them. I pray that laying this rock I can forgive myself for when I came up short. I hope that the times I did shine as a mother, some pieces of the wounds I speak of here are diminished a bit.
Today I walk to contemplate what is in my heart. I believe I am a child of God and I can’t begin to know how much I am loved but I do know my ability to love these children is a glimpse of the kind of love God has for me. The kind of love God has for us all. We are all His children which is why He asked me to put myself in that circle of inclusion (refer to Day 5). He forgives all of us. I am working on forgiving myself and I will succeed.
Blessings to us all.
Blisters: 3
Traumatized toes: 1
Sore foot: left
Sore knee: left
Lighter heart: 1
Smile: Big
Remember in the eyes of god all is forgiven
Oh I like that Kelly. Thanks
I wish I could reach through the internet and give you a hug right now. This is a burden every parent has felt and I have said to myself. Thanks for sharing. Oh by the way were you drinking the wine from the shell?
You are stronger than you know. Buen Camino
I did drink the wine from the shell! It was pretty empty so I only had a few drops but it was symbolic! It was about 8:30am! Thanks for the hug. That post was hard to write.
Hi Trish, I’ve been following along and reading your Camino posts, and I just want to tell you how incredibly proud and moved I am by your journey. What you’re doing is not just brave, it’s really beautiful. I am reading each post daily and marveling at how you’re doing this! It’s clear that this walk is so much more than just putting miles behind you. You’re listening to your heart, sorting through your thoughts, and hopefully healing along the way.
Your stories have made me laugh, tear up, and really stop to reflect. The “shoe mitten” made me laugh, and your photos have made me smile. Your thoughts on motherhood definitely resonated and made me realize we all have “mom guilt” in some form or another. I was so moved to read about your sister, and reading about your friend Gordy and what Beth and the community are dealing with – well your words made me feel their loss. The way you’re honoring your loved ones with those beautiful painted rocks is just so heartfelt and meaningful. You’re carrying more than a backpack. It feels like you are doing something truly sacred and you graciously invited us along for the ride.
I love that you’re on a mission to unload your burdens. I wish I was better at letting go of things that I no longer need to carry.
Even though you’re walking alone, you are not alone. I am living vicariously through and cheering you on with every step. I hope you feel that support around you, especially on the long, quiet stretches.
Keep going, keep smiling and keep letting the Camino do what you need it to do. I truly believe you’ll come back with a lighter heart.
Buen Camino, sweet friend. I admire you so much!
Love and Blessings,
Debbie
Thank you Debbie for your lovely, supportive message. I SO appreciate it. I will remember your words on the long, hard stretches. I know there are some in my future. Hugs.
I think this is a lesson all moms need to learn! To give ourselves the same grace we generously give to those we love! One step at a time! You got this and I’m with you every step! Love yiu!
Pat, I don’t even know where to begin. You are much stronger than you think and way harder on yourself than you should be. I have been lying her walking with you in my mind since I’m lucky to walk to the kitchen. However I feel your love in every word you write. I hope you feel all our love supporting you along the way. You are much stronger than I am. Debbie’s comment said it all very well. BTW Jeannette told me to let you know she has cried every day reading and living your journey with you. You have all our support and prayers backing you.
Wow thanks Geri. I love and appreciate your comments. I am glad to hear you and Jeannette are following me. It really means a lot to me.